Thursday, November 02, 2006
Issuance of Fatwa #5
I, his highness Pareve Milk Sheikh do hereby issue a Fatwa, that is, a holy edict, whereby I redefine the word virgin to include monkeys, apes and fowl. This Fatwa is effective immediately and applies to all regions whereby my holiness does hereby govern.
You know, I was thinking, unusual for a sheek Sheikh like myself, the name of my blog - 72-Virgins reminds me of an old childhood song we used to sing when I was just a regular boy. (You know, Sheikhs were once boys once before losing their minds). The song went like this: 72 bottles of beer on the wall, 72 bottles of beer, if one of the bottles did happen to fall, 71 bottles of beer on the wall... I wonder if there's any relationship between Islam and that old childhood song of mine. Don't worry though, I sang the song before I became a sheikh. I don't touch the stuff now except in the privacy of my own tent.
Contest
We will be holding a Miss 72-Virgin contest. All you lucky virgins out there who would like to get to heaven while retaining your virgin status may enter our contest. Please send your contest entry, with photograph of course, but only in veil or in hajib to sheikh.wassim@gmail.com. We will judge every entry based on our unique medical criteria to determine your qualifications. Contest entries remain property of sheikh.wassim@gmail.com
A curious question has arisen and here it is: Will the 72 Virgins awaiting each shaheed be the same virgins as for the other shaheeds? That would seem impossible for reasons obvious to the more sophisticated reader. Another question is once the 72 are used by the assigned shaheed, does he get a new set of 72? Then the next obvious question is that once one is used, is there an immediate replenishment? This would seem necessary as the number must always remain 72. One could ask even teefer (for those who speak the mama lashon). What is the status of the virgin during the maaseh? There could be an issue affecting the number. These and other issues must be resolved in a Fatwa which I plan to issue shortly.
A curious question has arisen and here it is: Will the 72 Virgins awaiting each shaheed be the same virgins as for the other shaheeds? That would seem impossible for reasons obvious to the more sophisticated reader. Another question is once the 72 are used by the assigned shaheed, does he get a new set of 72? Then the next obvious question is that once one is used, is there an immediate replenishment? This would seem necessary as the number must always remain 72. One could ask even teefer (for those who speak the mama lashon). What is the status of the virgin during the maaseh? There could be an issue affecting the number. These and other issues must be resolved in a Fatwa which I plan to issue shortly.
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